I think most of us tend to be the victim. It’s easier to have a pity party than it is to take responsibility and do something about what we’ve done or could have done. It’s easier to play victim to get the attention and the things want. Who doesn’t want that stuff? I know I have fallen trap to the victim. I did during the first part of my pregnancy (learn more here), I did through most of my 20s and sometimes, still do today. I want to make it clear, I’m not perfect at this. But taking back my power and letting go of the victim mentality has changed my life for the better. Especially while I’ve been recovering from childhood sexual abuse. (And you can do the same thing.)
I’m sure you’re thinking: How on earth do you take responsibility for something like childhood sexual abuse? You couldn’t have done anything about it. It wasn’t your fault etc. And you’re right. About all those things. But I’m responsible for one of the most important things during this tragedy. Healing. Recovering. At a certain point in our lives we’re wise enough to understand and know we need help. It’s your responsibility to take action. It is your responsibility to let go and forgive. To take back your power that always belonged to us. If we never do this, healing is not possible.
No, you can’t do anything about what happened. But you can do something about the way it controls your life. This is how you can take responsibility and stop the victim mentality:
- Take responsibility for all your choices all your life. Well- starting at about 18. That’s when most of us really start making our own choices. But if you suffer from childhood sexual abuse, there might be some decision you made a little younger than 18 which affected your life you need to take responsibility for. For example, I didn’t lose my virginity to some high school boy like all my friends. They were in relationships and had puppy love. I never experienced that. I had lost my virginity to a man that was 38 years old when I was 17. (Omgosh! I know, it’s illegal. I was fully aware of what I was doing. I didn’t understand the reason or the impact though. Being illegal is aside from the point.) Anyway, if you suffer from abuse and start taking responsibility for your choices, you’ll soon learn how 90% of your choices were made from childhood abuse. I know being honest with yourself to that extent is hard, but it’s worth it. (If you need more on what you can do to recover, check this blog out.)
- Take responsibility in your relationships. Whether it’s with friends or romantic relationships, there is some ownership you can take in the relationships falling apart or staying as they are-toxic. The reality? The common dominator in all your relationships is you. And if you’re in an unhealthy spot that’s what you attract. Or like my spiritual shaman likes to say, you attract what you need to heal the most. Which at this point in time, is you! And that’s okay. In order to take responsibility for your relationships you need to ask yourself, why am I in this relationship? What purpose does the relationship serve? Is the relationship healthy? If you’re getting negative answers, you might want to think about these relationships and back off until you’re in a better position emotionally and mentally. I have to admit, I did a really good job isolating myself for the last 5 years. I would always go out and get wasted and those type of people were around. When I started healing, I started cutting those people out. I wouldn’t tolerate anything. To the point where I did the opposite of what I needed to do. Isolation is not the answer. Healthy boundaries are. (I take responsibility in that and I’m currently fixing it.)
- Take responsibility in owning your power. Your healing and recovering is up to you. It’s not up to anyone else. Only you can forgive your abuser and yourself. Only you can recreate the meaning of shame into something more fueling and positive in your life. You hold the power one way or another. You have to take responsibility in that, if you truly want to transform your life into something empowering. You can only be lead to the water. You have to drink it. No one can do the work for you. No one can change the meaning. No one but you. Own that sh*t girl! Start changing your life into something more beautiful and worthy. Just like you. Just like you deserve!
Taking responsibility of your abuse is a hard lesson to learn. But one of those lessons that must be learned to really heal from the ugliness of your abuse. You can heal by taking responsibility for one thing at a time. Like your choices, your relationships, and your recovery. You’ll find your power and your truth. And that alone is worth it.
Have a question? Have a story? Can relate? Leave a comment below. Let’s connect.