As you probably already know, being a mom is hard. Being a single mom is also hard. Being a single mom to a newborn, when you’re trying to deal with your emotions and hormones, learn how to take care of your child and deal with your baby daddy isn’t exactly an ideal situation. I knew things weren’t going to be easy, but I really had no idea what I was getting into.
I wasn’t expecting how hard it is to be a single mom to a newborn. Yes, I get help, I have breaks but I was expecting things to be different between me and my baby daddy. However, after our daughter was born there was a whole explosion of things I didn’t expect would happen. Including the visitation battle we’re currently in. (If you want more on the pregnancy journey, click here. If you want to know the one thing that saved me as a single mom, click here.)
All of that set side, being a single mom isn’t easy. It’s difficult, it’s lonely but it’s rewarding and seeing my daughter, Aubrey, smile makes it all worth it.
When I was pregnant everyone wanted to tell my horror stories of their deliveries. (Why that happens? I can’t tell you.) No one told me what it would be like postpartum and a single mom. No one told me the amount of pressure of you would feel, loneliness, guilt, or any it. Women just say it’s hard. In my eyes, that’s an understatement. Things don’t have to be that hard, it just has been for me and I accept that. Through this I have learned so much and have come out stronger each day. Making me want to share 3 important things you must know as a single mom that no one really talks about.
3 Things No One Tells You
How much you cry. When I was pregnant women did tell me, I would cry for the first 2 weeks or something. Not everyone is in my situation, I understand that. If you are a single mom or going to be with a newborn please be aware of how much you cry. You seriously cry about everything. You cry because you’re baby is crying, you feel guilty, you need a break, your baby daddy isn’t around like he promised, when you argue with him, you can’t get your baby to sleep, you feel inadequate, your body isn’t what it was (at that moment), you’re in pain physically, emotionally and mentally. You cry a ton! I wasn’t prepared. My daughter is now 4 months old. I cry when people find out their pregnant, on tv, I think: I want to be in love and have a baby! It has been hard to adjust to and deal with my emotions. I’m not sure if the tears suddenly stop, but be aware you will cry.
Attachment to your baby and your baby daddy. When I was pregnant, I had a connection with my baby daddy and I couldn’t tell if I was in love with him or not. After talking to some moms, I learned it was normal to feel that way. Then after the delivery, my daddy was the most amazing guy on the planet. He was caring and nurturing, to me, and so good with our daughter. I seriously could have been in love with that first week. Then everything changed and now I realize it’s because I carried his child and we have a child together. Yes, I do want him around sometimes, yes, I do want things to be better between us. In love with him? Weeellll-not at all. But the attachment is there. There is also a strong bond between you and your child. Especially when you’re sitting with your child crying because things are so hard. You develop and attachment that is hard to break. You even have a hard time leaving or going places. I remember when my mom came to give me a break for the night. I went to a BBQ. I almost didn’t go because I had never left her to do something I wanted. I had gone for appointments etc. But, not for mommy time. It was hard at first. All moms go through this, but I feel like there is unspoken understanding between me and my daughter that it really is just us. It’s just mommy and Aubrey.
How to manage your schedule. I’m a very independent person. I’ve been that way since I was a young girl. I’m used to my alone time, and I’m sort of set in my ways. Now, I have to adjust to having someone else consume my time. I want to be able to blog and work on my business, watch tv, go running, workout, clean my house, but when you have a child that needs you the game changes. This part has been the hardest for me. Especially in the first few months because you’re pretty tired but you also want to be able to drink some coffee for 5 minutes alone. It wasn’t until the beginning of last month that I figured it out. It really started with this book: 12 hour’s sleep at 12 weeks. This book helped me put my daughter on a schedule so she is consistently sleeping through the night and taking naps. (Things are a little off right now, she has acid reflux and is teething.) This book has helped me put Aubrey on a schedule so I can put myself on a schedule. I know there are theories about putting your baby on a schedule. All I did was enhance her natural sleeping and wake cycle. That’s it. This helped me start creating my own schedule. I wake up at 5am to workout, eat, and shower. Which really makes our day better. Because I was able to put myself first. That might sound selfish but the truth is, Aubrey is happier when I am happier. Then I do the things I have on my to do list during her naps or when she’s awake to encourage independent play time. (Sometimes with acid reflux I’m holding her while she’s sleeping. It does happen. Things aren’t perfect.) Maintaining your schedule so you can have some mommy time is the best thing you can do for yourself. Put yourself first. It will help you emotionally and mentally, I personally think it makes you a better mom.
Being a mom is hard. Being a single mom is hard. However, there are somethings that we as women can share to help each other. To create awareness. No, not every story is the same. However, if you’re prepared for certain things, it might make your life easier. That’s what all of this is about. Helping you find freedom and peace no matter the circumstances. How much I cried, the attachment and figuring out the schedule was a shock to my system. I hope by sharing, it will make your life a little easier.
If you have a question, can relate, want to share your story, leave a comment below. Let’s connect!