Feel lonely? Like you just may never find a partner. And when you do try to date things seem off. Like lack of chemistry. You don’t really dig him (or her-whatever you’re into is cool.) Too nice. Or too clingy. Or just a joke. Yeah I think all of us have felt this way somehow or another. That’s okay because the thing is being single isn’t about chasing the right partner. Being single is about learning who you truly are and loving yourself and becoming whole. So when the right partner does come around you’re in the right place to receive and give back love.
How do we put ourselves in that position? Well let’s talk about some of those.
First and foremost, being single provides you the time and energy to really build yourself. Build yourself professionally and personally.
- It gives you time to get a higher education.
- To learn something new like painting or how to use PhotoShop. (Which could eventually develop into a hobby.)
- Or a new skill that can help further your experience at work. Which can really help you grow professionally.
- Connect with other like-minded people. And who knows what that could lead to.
- It gives you time to set goals and execute them.
Gives you time to do some reading. I know that might sound crazy to some of you. But if you truly desire freedom and desire to design your own life, one of the best things you can do for yourself is continue to learn. That includes reading, listening to Podcast, watching YouTube. You continue to grow as a person when you learn. This is not just about being a better employee-if you are one. It helps keep your brain sharp and helps keep you in touch with a deeper thinking process.
If you are single, and do have trouble filling time or filling the void, rather than filling it with someone you truly don’t want around, you can fill your time with learning, and or a hobby. You can fill your time with positivity! You don’t have to fill your time with people you truly don’t want around. That person filling that void will only fill for so long.
Dating Yourself/Alone time
Yes, that’s right! Date yourself. You don’t need someone to take you out when you can take yourself out. Not only do you get to do exactly what you want, but you also have peaceful quiet time to yourself. This is especially important for your mental health. Sometimes we are so connected and so plugged in that we need a moment to breathe. We need some real uninterrupted alone time. What does dating yourself look like?
- Coffee dates! You can take yourself to have coffee in the morning. You can sit in the shop and read or just sit there and people watch. If you can’t bring yourself to go in public by yourself then sit outside and watch the sunrise with your coffee. (I do this! When the weather is nice! There is nothing more satisfying than sitting outside with coffee, my journal, and my dogs while the sun comes up.) Doing this this can really set the tone for the day.
- Go to the movies. Go see something that no one else wants to see but you. Plus you get to pick where you sit. You get to pick out your own snacks, parking space.
- Watch a movie at home with a glass of wine or beer. Or without is fine too! The idea is to love yourself and your alone time. To be okay with being alone on a Saturday night. At first, it is a little hard but as you continue to grow and love yourself as single, doing things alone gets easier.
- Go shopping! Who doesn’t love that?
- You can also treat yourself too. By getting a massage! Or getting a mani and pedi. Which if you do have a hard time being in public by yourself- these are completely normal doing alone! (If you truly need some assistance with that! Check out this free E-book on becoming more independent! It gives some great tips on learning to be independent.)
Dating yourself can do amazing things for your mental health, your stress levels, and your confidence! Seriously it doesn’t get better than that because you truly learn who you are by being alone!
Looking in the Mirror
Being single truly does give you time to reflect on yourself. It gives you time to reflect on your past, on your mistakes, failures, your childhood, things that changed your life, your accomplishments, and especially your past relationships. Which is really what being single is about. It’s about becoming a better you. And I say this because I know! I am gonna make a confession to you: When I was with my ex, I was NOT a nice person. I tore him up. I would say nasty things to him, I was unappreciative, unsupportive I was ugly to him, and I didn’t realize it until I was single. I realized it was a true reflection of myself and the resentment that I carried towards me and him. I think 70 % of it had nothing to do him. If I didn’t take the time to be single I would have NEVER learned that. I didn’t realize that I was continuing an ugly cycle from my childhood. And although that was really hard to admit to myself, I am glad I was able to. I have learned a great deal from that relationship. Especially about myself that I may have not learned if I jumped into another relationship.
Luckily, I have learned to love and respect myself so that I don’t continue such nasty patterns. So what’s the point, Angela?
The point is being single gives you time and the opportunity to unpack your baggage. To meet your demons and take them head on. You are truly in a position to learn about your strengths, weaknesses, and the hand you were dealt. And where that hand came from. The truth is, most of what we do, say, feel, is a direct reflection of taught behaviors from our past. As a result we only know what we have learned. That behavior is a direct reflection of parenting, childhood memories, and traumas. At least for the most part.
If you’re single you truly have an opportunity to unpack that baggage and learn how to use it as strengths. You can learn how to control them. (I can promise that.) After unpacking this baggage you learn how to cope, you learn to deal with the things that haunted you from your past. Some of this might mean your physical activity, some of it might mean a different relationship with food, it might mean writing in a journal, it might mean crying yourself to sleep every night until you realize that you can’t control what happened in your past, but you can control how it makes you feel now, and you can control your reaction to it. You can control whether or not you play victim or you play that baggage like a winning hand. It’s completely up to you. But at least when you’re single you have the time to decide as you wish.
On to a lighter subject! Being single gives you the BEST opportunity to take all those adventures you want! You can get up and go to the beach. Go hiking anytime you want-for the most part. This is the perfect time to explore and do new things. It’s the perfect time to go somewhere you have never been and enjoy it without any worries of another person. It is so much fun to do new things in new places. Because who will you know? And what is the likelihood of you seeing them again? Think about it! So live for the moment! Carpe Diem!! Get a map and pick somewhere you want to go! AND GO!!! Or do something crazy. (I have to share! Because this is the perfect example. Sometime in 2015 I was asked if I would jump out of an airplane. I said YES! So we went out to Lodi, California and jumped out of the plane! It was the most calming, most accelerating experience I have ever had. And if someone asked me to do it again, I wouldn’t hesitate. If I were in a relationship that may or may not have happened! But I didn’t have to worry about it, because I was single.) Get out there! And do whatever comes to your mind! Remember that you might not get this opportunity again.
Being single gives us one of the best opportunities to build and maintain strong relationships with others. This can include your friends and your family but also work relationships. We as humans crave and live for relationships. We are social beings and we have a true desire to have relationships with people. Being single gives you the opportunity to develop that. Whether that means you go to visit family during the holidays, or have girls’ night at home with romantic comedies in your pajamas. It just all depends on what you want to achieve with these relationships. Just remember that significant others may come and go, but your family and friends are there forever-well for the most part. Maybe you want to start building some stronger work relationships. Which is a great idea especially for networking purposes later in the future.
- Maybe you meet up with colleagues for coffee that you normally might not have been able to do.
- Maybe you meet a couple of co-workers for happy hour. Whatever you feel is appropriate to build a connection worth having in your life. Now is the time.
Being single gives you the time to build those strong bonds with people. Why? Because you’re not preoccupied with other relationships that need to be developed. Not only can you develop on already existing relationships but it also gives you time to build new ones. For example let’s say you decide to start taking a Zumba class or start taking a PhotoShop class. You now have more time to get to know these people that have similar interests as you do. And who knows! You might actually meet some great people!
The idea is to build strong bonds now so that you can grow with a tight net group that you have developed as the single you! After all, the single you is just as amazing as the relationship you! So why not have some amazing people around the whole time to see that amazing you?
Tying It Together
So what’s next? Well that answer is really dependent on you. There’s nothing wrong with being in a relationship! Especially if that relationship helps you grow and you know that you are loved by your partner. By all means enjoy that! But if you take away one thing from this blog let it be this: by taking the time to get know yourself, and I mean truly know yourself, you will know that you are capable of giving love to someone and receiving the same love from someone else in return. You will know that you are ready. AND you will know what you do and don’t want from a relationship. Which translates to having standards which shows you respect yourself, your body, your future, and your future partner.
SO CHEERS! And don’t let anyone try to convince you that you should have a different outlook on this! The right person, if that’s what you so desire, will come your way! And waiting and doing whatever you desire doesn’t make you less of a desirable person. It makes you perfectly who you are or want to be!
If you’re single try one of these out! How do you feel? What did you take away from it? Do it now, if you can! And share with me. I would love to see your valuable you time. Use #asfreeasyousee. I can’t wait to see all your single posts!