If you’re working on this healing journey or even just changing your life, you start to notice an internal battle with your “old” self and your “new” self. It’s literally like those 2 are at war with each other and you’re just hanging like: What’s it gonna be like today? I’m gonna respond? Am I gonna react? Am I gonna go OG on a B*tch? Am I gonna love her for who she is? (I get you’re not supposed to see yourself emerging as separate, but the reality is, it feels that way. It happens that way. Trying to deny it or should or shouldn’t it, makes it worse. I can promise that.) There are all these things that come up, and it’s like what hell are you supposed to do? You want to scream, you want laugh, you want to do everything the right way, you can feel the love but then that car cuts you off and you can feel your blood boil. Or what if, you’re in situation where you have no idea how to be. You want to stand up for yourself, but you want to do it the right way. You want to show them grace. You want to do the right thing, by your standards of the right thing. But they’ve triggered you, pissed you off, bashed your name etc. (If you want some extra help with your triggers, check this freebie out. The Triggers Journal.)
You’re in limbo. Sometimes you can’t tell if you’re triggered or if it’s really something that needs to be talked about. An inner conflict really comes about. What are you supposed to do? Because really at the bottom of your heart, all you want to do is step into the new you!
In my case, I did 60% of my healing work while I was single and pregnant. So, learning to get a long with my ex was quite the challenge. Some days I couldn’t tell if it was the hormones, the triggers, him or me, or all of those at the same time. I just didn’t know what to do. Most of the time I repressed the way I felt, because I was in such a conflict with figuring out who I was. I really didn’t know what to do most of the time. I kept telling myself everything would be different once Aubrey (my daughter) was here.
I was wrong. Nothing had changed, yet. I still had hormones, I still tried to get along with my ex at a capacity that really still to this day, I almost feel is impossible. (Without the drama-I’m dealing with a narcissist. I didn’t know until after delivery. When I really figure out how to deal with that in a healthy and spiritual way, I’ll let that into the world.) We were- are arguing all the time, I was feeling crazy and just out of control. I just didn’t know what to do. Was it the hormones? Was I triggered? Was I projecting my history of sexual abuse on to him? Was a I addicted to the drama? Was in love with him? Was it all those things?
For months I couldn’t figure it out. Even after I reset my energy. (An energy clearing session.) After all the realizations, all the changes. I was stuck. I was in limbo and I couldn’t decide if I wanted to hang onto the OG Angela or if I wanted to embrace the goddess within. I didn’t know.
Then one day, a situation presented itself. I wanted to rip my ex a new one. Instead of reacting just the way he wanted me to. I let it go for hours. Then I responded. I stood up for myself with grace. I showed myself honor and respect and didn’t allow his response to affect me. I showed compassion and a loving space regardless of the what was said prior or after. Then it dawned on me, I had stepped into my power. I stepped into the new me at that very moment. Everything changed.
Yes, I still react. I still have triggers and everything else. What I didn’t have was the internal conflict anymore. Yes, sometimes I still resort to old ways, and sometimes I still have to address my child self because of my abuse. But that internal war is gone.
You’re probably thinking: Tell me already! How!
Just remember this kind of work isn’t an easy fix answer. It takes time because you’re literally reprogramming years and years of behavior. Remember this happens when you’re ready as well. You can’t force this to happen before you’re ready. (If you want more on finding the right healing, check this blog out.)
The way to step into the new you, is acceptance. Accept you’ve grown, accept all you really want in life is unconditional love. Accept you know how to show yourself compassion, and you know how to show other people that same thing. Accept you no longer resonate with who you were and how you acted. Accept life is easier when you’re the new you. Accept you have power on the other side of this fear of letting go. Accept you’re ready to f*cking fly. When you do that, the OG in you quiets down, and the goddess in you starts to arise at tenfold. Do you still have triggers and reactions and have bat sh*t crazy moments? Yep! But the goodness in you isn’t fighting to be heard anymore because you’ve accepted the change. You’ve accepted the transformation. You’ve accepted the higher you. The you, you’ve been praying for, wanting, waiting, working for. Acceptance will change everything. It will deflate that internal battle of the “old” you and the “new” you that’s torn you apart for so long.
Have a question, can relate, have a story? Comment below. Let’s connect.
Recommendations to assist with stepping into the new you:
Freebie: Triggers Journal (email required)