Single and Pregnant: Managing Your Emotions
Ladies, when you’re pregnant it’s like things are rainbows and sunshine one minute. And the next minute you’re crying because you feel fat and ugly. Or because the commercial on the tv made you cry or self-reflect. Maybe you miss your partner like crazy one moment and the next moment you wish you could swing a bat at his head without going to jail! Managing emotions is hard work not pregnant, but pregnant is insane. Especially when you’re single and pregnant and dealing with your ex who still wants to be involved (but only when it’s convenient for him-cough! Cough!)
Just as a little back story my ex and I broke up when I was about 12 weeks pregnant. It was a tailwind of emotions. Plus I was at the beginning stages of working with my gene keys with my spiritual shaman (Johanna Burkhardt). I was a bit out of control- to say the least. (If you want more on the back story you can read it here.) Eventually I was able to calm down a bit. Actually a lot! Not that I want anyone to be single and pregnant (because it’s f*cking hard) but single causes for less emotional distress when you don’t have a partner that accidently says the wrong things or brings the wrong food or you have to debate over names and the birth plan.
I personally believe these tips for managing your emotions will help you while you’re with a partner, without a partner, pregnant or not. Most of these tips have been learned while pregnant. I will mention a lot of that.
It’s okay to have emotions and be vulnerable
I’m going to specifically speak to my single and pregnant ladies on this. Especially if you’re newly single and have an infant. Unless your ex has completely removed himself from the picture, it’s okay to let your ex know you feel a certain way. That you’re freaking out. That you aren’t sure if you can do this. Your ex will never know how to help you, if you’re not telling them how you feel emotionally. I learned this lesson a couple of times. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t tell him when I’m feeling lonely and I think he’s a piece of sh*t for not telling me what he really wanted. (That’s ego and control, as I’ve learned.) But I tell him when I’m freaking out. When I’m worried about whether or not we’re going to get along enough to do what’s right for our daughter. Sure there might be some slip ups here and there. That’s okay. We’re human and things happen. Especially while we’re pregnant. Because there’s a natural connection there it makes you want to stay connected to the father of your child. No matter what type of guy he is. Which can add to the emotions and hormones. But the thing is, being a “Crazy Baby Momma” isn’t helping your child(ren). I’m sorry he is the way that he is. But choosing him was a reflection of you. No matter what. If your ex is involved, cool let him know how you’re feeling. If it’s truly related to the pregnancy and or your child(ren). If that’s truly your ex and you have nothing to do with him, don’t do slip up so many times you regret it. Slip ups happen. It’s cool.
Don’t be afraid to be vulnerable with other people. Especially people you trust and you need to have some help or someone around. There is nothing wrong with showing your emotions. It doesn’t make you weak. It makes you strong. If this is something your truly struggle with, you need start asking yourself why. Because it’s much deeper than your ex.
Aware, Accept, Embrace
I have talked about this a few times. I even have an in-depth blog on it. You can read it here, if this truly interests you. This is what you want to do:
You want to be aware you have certain emotions. Rational or not. Pregnant hormones or not. The quicker you become aware the easier it becomes to work through your emotions.
You want to accept your emotions. Don’t avoid them or act like your emotions don’t exist. Accept them. Don’t try to understand them or analyze them. Just accept today I feel lonely. Today I feel ugly. Whatever it is. Accepting them will take a weight off your shoulders.
Embrace your emotions. Even though you feel this way, you’re still perfect the way you are. You can still love yourself despite these emotions.
Stop having Expectations
Seriously! This is the worst thing you can do for yourself. Expectations of people is a relationship killer at all levels. The reality is people are going to hurt you and or disappoint you. The second you can hope for the best but not be attached to an outcome the better off you’re going to be. My ex, he sometimes brings me food. I’ve learned many times if he brings the food cool, if he doesn’t, good thing I can cook. Because I can just imagine how many times I would have gone hungry thinking he was coming through. Expectations with anyone can cause a world of pain. Especially if you’re not communicating what it is you want and need. If you’re communicating and they’re promising xyz and they don’t deliver, it’s time to reevaluate that relationship. That’s all that comes down to.
Ask for Help
It’s okay to ask your community for help, when you need it. Especially if you’re pregnant or new mom and single or newly single. Even if you have a partner. It’s okay to ask for help from people. This was a hard lesson for me to learn because I had done everything by myself. (Want more on the lesson I learned? You can read this blog here.) But if you don’t ask for help things won’t get done and you’ll feel like crap about it. Like my lawn needs to be mowed all the freaking time! Frist of all I have no idea how to do it, and now I’m pregnant and I’m not supposed to do it. I have to ask for help. Or the dog food is now too heavy to carry from the car to the house. My bestie helps me about every 2 weeks. I’m sure you’re thinking: What about your ex? Well, I have asked a few times, and he has yet to deliver. I don’t carry those expectations. If he helps, awesome, if he doesn’t, it’s cool. Because I clearly don’t need him to make my ship sail.
Heal from Your Past
This is the hardest one you’ll do. No matter your circumstances. Taking your past head-on is scary and tough stuff. It’s not something that everyone wants to do. Or wants to commit to. But it’s worth it. You can read this blog here, if you want more details on taking on your past. But the thing is, when you heal your past or start to, you start to notice and become more aware of your emotions. You start realize where they originated from. What they actually mean. And you’re in a better position to address them. You learn which battles to take. You learn and understand who you are and it helps you understand others. You get along better with others and you manage your emotions better because of that. Healing is vital to managing your emotions. It’s huge. And if it weren’t for this healing journey, I’m sure I would be a crazy baby momma! (Whewy!)
Do Grounding Activities
I say grounding because this can include all types of things. Do activities that help you escape from the crazy world we live in and start getting present with yourself. This might mean yoga and meditation. Maybe journaling and coloring. (Like to journal or want more on journaling and dealing with the past, check out this blog.) You can also do things like walking, working out, running etc. Anything that helps you clear your mind. Anything that helps you get present with yourself and your surroundings. Where you can let go of anything that’s emotionally hurting you and you can focus on yourself and the moment. This will help keep you balanced. Pregnant or not. Single or not. This is huge for everyone. Because it really does give you an outlet to keep you in balance.
Any of these activities can help you manage your emotions, especially while you’re pregnant. Especially while you’re single and pregnant. No one wants to be crazy or on a rollercoaster all the time. Most of it can be controlled, if you’re willing to stop letting your emotions control you. We have emotions. Doesn’t mean we must be ran by them. Learning this is important. What you do with your emotions is also important. Managing your emotions can make your life ten times easier and more peaceful and happier.
Have a question or a story related to this? Leave a comment below. Let’s connect.