Single and Pregnant: Self-care Edition
“What an exciting time!”
“I bet you’re so excited!”
“Is this your first?!”
I can’t tell you how many people have told me that being pregnant is such an exciting time! And to tell you the truth, I wasn’t exactly sure how to feel about it. Not only was the pregnancy unexpected, but me and my ex broke up just hours before I was supposed to move in with him.
This pregnancy had caused some serious setbacks in my life. (As I once called them.) One of them: I couldn’t be an entrepreneur. (Totally not true! I know!) Let alone the idea of moving to Texas had gone out the window, and I was set on not having children. I’m sure you’re thinking why didn’t you just have an abortion? And to answer your question:
1) I’m old enough.
2) I’m financially stable enough.
3) Although I don’t carry any judgment, because I’m sure it was something I would have done years ago, but I don’t like the idea of aborting a child.
My options were to carry the baby whether the father was involved or not. Whether I understood the beauty in it or not. Whether or not I saw the possible transformation, at the time, or not.
Anyway being pregnant is bowls of ice-cream and loads of emotions during a relationship. Alone is a whole different ball game. Sure there are still bowls of ice cream but the rollercoaster of emotions are out of control. You have raging irrational thoughts about the father, what he’s doing, whether you’re making it to the hospital to deliver because you’re alone and won’t be able to call. Plus the feelings of loneliness is by far the worst I had ever felt before in my life. Plus when you’re in pain or need something and it’s too much to get up, you don’t have many options. Or someone around to help. And you feel stuck or in slow mo because you can’t do the things you would normally do. And there’s no one around to constantly distract you. Not to mention, sometimes the dishes and sweeping gets left undone for days. With no one around to pick up the slack. (I’m no way painting a victim here. Just trying to give you some insights on what this really looks like.)
After taking some time to adjust things aren’t all that bad. And I wanted to share what I did and do during my pregnancy to help with the loneliness, curb some of my emotions and take care of myself regardless of what was going on in my personal life. (Just so you know, I’m currently in my 2nd trimester.)
I started a journal. Well really, I had started shadow work with Johanna Burkhardt and she suggested getting a journal to write about the emotions and journey that I would be on. You don’t have to do shadow work to keep a journal. I suggest this because it seriously will help you deal with your emotions, looping crazy thoughts and so much more. And if you need some insights on how to deal with your emotions check out this blog here! (And if you’re interested in shadow work, feel free to speak to Johanna. She’s truly amazing. If you’re unsure about that, you can also check out this book. This is about your DNA and gene keys. I’m not an expert, but it’s really helped me heal. Giving me more positivity about my future.)
I started walking during my lunch. Before I got pregnant I was a runner. And I know you can still run while you’re prego. But it was seriously the hardest and most uncomfortable thing I’ve done. It wasn’t worth it to me. So I switched to walking. But I wasn’t always walking after work. Just on the weekends. And Johanna explained that walking would help me stay grounded. Meaning my emotions wouldn’t get to me so freaking bad! So I started walking during my lunch break. Or any available time at work. Plus walking the track for 3 miles over the weekend! She was right! And the walking really helps with your skin and makes you feel lighter and more in tuned with your body! And made me feel less bloated. So added plus!
I started doing yoga! Yep! First time in a class ever! And I loved it. I suggest asking around or checking out Yelp to find out the best locations. There are even prenatal yoga classes out there you can take. I suggest letting your instructor know that you’re pregnant so you can do modified belly exercises, if you can’t find prenatal or don’t want to. And if you’re not a pro I suggest basics. And don’t do any super-duper hot yoga!
I started communicating with my ex more. This was important to me. He wants to be apart of our child’s life but there was a lot of miscommunication going on. And I would explode after days of not speaking to him. So I would let him know when I was having a rough day, or a bad time or was pissed at him or whatever! It decreased my stress about the future. It has helped me trust him more and has made me realize how possible this really is. His involvement, as promised, or not.
I started addressing sexual abuse I endured in the past. That has been the hardest part about being pregnant. I didn’t even realize. I was having flashbacks, freaking out, crying all the time. Once I started reading: When Survivors Give Birth I started to connect dots and get more open with it. This book is amazing. If you need some coping strategies while pregnant, this your book!
I started reaching out to my friends and family and letting them know when I needed someone around. Which wasn’t my norm. If you check out this blog, it gives you a little more insight as to what I’ve experienced in the first months of being pregnant. My friends and family have been great during this time. Truly supportive and have made me feel happier about being pregnant.
I started counselling. Just to learn to cope with my past and present. And learn to find even better and happier ways of communicating with my ex. Healing myself emotionally, mentally and spiritually. So that my child has a better upbringing in life. Which I think is one of the most important things I can do as a mom… as a woman.
All of these things have helped me feel less stressed, happier about my pregnancy and more in tuned with the present. I know my life isn’t as I planned and that’s okay. What I do know, I’m exactly where I’m supposed to be. And this place is WAY better than where I was 4 years ago!
If you can relate, have questions or a story, please feel free to share! I would love to hear from you! Let’s connect.