In the midst of 2015, to anyone on the outside, I was successful. I had just earned my 3rd promotion within 3 years at a local hospital, bought a house, and was about to finish my degree.
But I was miserable. I was in emotional, mental, and spiritual turmoil. I couldn't sustain a stable, healthy relationship with myself let alone others.
I had been slowly moving into a depression that I was Oh so familiar with. This time it was different. Everything from my past was being brought to the surface even though I thought I had moved on. I was attempting to hide my problems with drinking and partying, which only made it worse.
By that time, I had been working on a lifetime of self-destructive behavior, and I was around people that influenced it.
The Rock Bottom
Thinking my emotions, anger, and desperate- for- attention- attitude was a direct connection to the grieving process. (I had lost my step-father in 2011.) Little did I know, at the time, the problems started way, way before that. Everything was finally coming to the surface as I was hitting rock bottom. I was an autopilot zombie, and if I hadn't lost my last house key, I am not sure much would have changed.
Finally, after losing the key and an “alter ego” weekend, I knew one of two things. One- I was going to put myself into a situation I wasn't going to be able to get out of and get killed. Two- I was going to kill myself.
I knew something had to change.
The beginning of everything…
I did start changing.
I wrote in a journal about everything that was making me upset, angry, sad, and so on. I had learned to move past the tragic death of my step-father, repaired and built beautifully genuine relationships with family, and built real relationships with new friends. I believed I was making progress, but later I learned it was the only beginning.
In 2017, I found myself in a familiar situation; I thought I would never do again. I thought I healed it. I thought I healed because I finally remembered, and spoke about it to one person.
I was sexually abused as a child and top of all the sexual abuse I endured as an adult. I thought by saying it aloud; it changed everything. Then I met someone and found myself in a situation where I was afraid to say no.
Fast forward to a few months later, I was pregnant, single, and having terrible flashbacks and memories. I knew the healing that I thought took place was only the beginning.
Finally, the real healing began. I worked with a spiritual shaman and started working with my Gene Keys and Human Design. I also started therapy and did some TimeLine Therapy. I began to break down my walls. My own destruction that I had built over the years. I got down and dirty with myself. Brutally honest. So honest, some days, I wish I could stop.
But I kept marching.
The beautiful transformation…
Now, here we are. With yet another transformation of myself. The real me. The authentic me. I live a life at peace with myself, letting go of a shame co-dependency, cutting ties with isolation, rebuilding conditioned behaviors from the ground up, trusting myself and others. Truly healing to my core- yes, with that child self that was so damaged she almost stayed hidden.
Because of this change, AsFreeAsYouSee.com is reborn just like me. Transformed into service of serving women, so they too can truly heal a devastating past so they can live a life they’ve always dreamed of. I do this with using Gene Keys and Human Design to guide you through self-discovery. I’m a certified Hypnotherapist and TimeLine Therapist to help you reprogram your unconscious mind and heal your past completely. I’ve also certified in NLP to empower you to step into your personal power and to make lasting changes.